Opting Out Book Review

Opting Out?: Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home by Pamela Stone sounded interesting when I ran across it on the shelf.  Since I and many women I know have left the work force to stay home with their children, I was interested in hearing what this book was about.  There seems to be so many judgements of moms who stay at work and then other judgements about moms who stay home.  I wish that groups of women were more accepting of other women but it has never been the case so I am not surprised that woman pass judgement on others based on decisions that they make in their lives. 

I opted out!!  I worked full time and watched my son full time but my life was getting too stressful.  I had to make a choice or I was going to loose my job, husband or my mind.  The first choice I made was that I was going to do what made me happy.....  after two years of doing it all, I couldn't figure out what was going to make me happy.  After long internal debate, I decided to stay home with my son because I couldn't imagine 50 years from now being sad that I missed the sales deal from a customer but missing my son walking, talking, and learning new things seemed heart breaking.  I have been more happy over the past year spending quality time with my son.  I have talked to other mothers that are worried about a gap in their resume or loosing work skills but I don't think about that.... rather I think about how sad it would be to miss some of the great things that I have done with my son.  I can't ever have those times back if I miss them but there is always another job!!  Enough about my life, back to the book review.

First, I think that people should note that this is written by a sociologist... that is what I went to college to be :) But what that means is that book reads like a college thesis instead of a funny uplifting, motivational book. 

The author used women's first and last name throughout the book but said that she was flipping some of the details to maintain their privacy.  I think that it would have been less confusing to give the person just a first name to remember through the book.  Have you ever read a book with crazy Russian names that you can't remember which character was which (short flash back to the Jungle in high school)?  These names weren't that complicated so that you couldn't remember one throughout the book.

The subject was only married mothers who had an ivy league education and left their job to stay home with their kids.  I find that made an unrealistic cross section of the American public which lead to less talk about making ends meet then staying home because they were stretched too thin.  It might have been the author's intention but I think that it simplifies the decision of staying home when the wives/mothers don't have to think about how to pay the bills.  I think that most American women have a few other factors that weigh on them.

I totally agree with the conclusion that the corporate world is not family friendly.  Although giving family or maternity leave, the corporate world does not make things easy for mothers to come back to work.  If you want to read the article referenced in the book, please check out this web page.  I feel like there are better examples out there in foreign countries that the author should look at in order to determine if the United States will ever be able to be more family friendly.

Normal day, mom has to leave the house before the kids are off to school and she doesn't get home until they are ready to be tucked in bed.  I had a more flexible schedule and the more and more strict it got, the easier it was for me to leave the company.  Many companies boast having family friendly policies and then don't practice what they preach.  Often the policies used by direct management differ from the corporate ideas.  The statement voiced in the book and that I have heard at every company that I have worked for was "We can't do it for you because then everyone would want it."  We can't do part time or job sharing because then everyone would want to do it.... really, is everyone unhappy working here?  Seems like you have a bigger problem to address than just me Mr. Corporation.  With commute, a normal work day was 12 hours away from the house and working for at least a few hours every night and most professionals are putting in a 60 hour week on a job that claims to be 40 hours.  If companies want to keep qualified women, they will have to figure out new policies to have more productive employees that want to stay and work.

I recommend this book because it really was thought provoking and touched on a lot of great subjects.  Many things will ring true with all women, even though this book is directed at older, white, ivy league educated women.  I hope that you will take the time to check it out at your local library or book store.  Please let me know what you think!!